Current location:	somewhere
Current mood:	sad
Current music:	Box Car Racer - "I feel so"
Entry tags:	angst-drama, au, patrick-sebastien, romance, simple plan, standalone

sp-slash ... Remember the Time
i am back in drama-mood.

Title: Remember the Time
Author: me
Rating: PG-13
Genre: AU – DramaDramaDRAMA
Pairing: Patrick/Sebastien
Summary: Chasing shadows through the years … I whisper softly to my dear … Be sure to know that I am here … Forever
Disclaimer: me no own, this no true
Dedication: for once I’m gonna dedicate this entirely to me. Why? Because this story kept me alive.
Author’s note: Based on “A walk to remember”, the movie not the book.




“I’m going to die.”

The words seemed distant. But still powerful. Even after they were spoken they still hung thick in the air, always repeating themselves.

I felt a light squeeze to my hands. I shook my head lightly to make the words stop but they were still there. And with them was Sebastien, the person who had spoken them. The same person who had squeezed my hands.

“No.”

That is all I could manage to say.

Sebastien bit his lip, still looking at me intensly.

“Yes Patrick, I am going to die.”

“No!” I said again, refusing to believe it, “Sebastien, you’re only 17! There is no way you can …”
He interupted me. “I have leukemia. I’ve been getting treatments for it since I’ve been 10. But they’re not helping anymore.”

These words were like a punch in the face and I could just stare at him open-mouthed.

“I know I should have told you earlier. But I didn’t want you to treat me like a china-doll. I wanted to have a normal relationship without you worrying about me constantly. I didn’t want you to treat me any different. I didn’t want you to look at me with a look of pity in your eyes. But looking at you now … I regret that I told you.”

Sebastien’s eyes started to water and before the first tear made its way out of his eyes he turned and ran away.

I stood there, frozen on the spot and looked at his retreating back. I felt numb and the only thing I still registered was his words running through my mind over and over again.

I’m going to die.

“Yo dude, will you finally move or do I have to carry you out of the way?”

I snapped back to reality when I felt a shove to my shoulder. I was still in front of the door to the movie theatre where Sebastien and I wanted to watch a movie tonight. The door’s opened but I was blocking the way for the people in the line behind me.

I muttered an apology to the guy behind me and stepped aside, letting him and all the other people going through the door.

When I was all alone in front of the door I finally start to move again. Away from the door, out of the movie theatre, down the roads of my hometown.

I didn’t even know where I was going until I reached my destination and I was standing outside the shady apartment house in one of the not so nice parts of the city.

Automatically my feet carried me up the flight of stairs until I reached the third floor and was standing outside the door that separated me from the place that became my second home over the past weeks.

My hand raised and made contact with the wood.

It took a while until the door opened with a creak and Sebastien’s mother came into view. Upon seeing me a frown formed on her face.

“Can I talk to him?” I asked before she could even say anything.
“No Patrick, you can’t.” was the simple answer before she closed the door in my face.

After the door closed I kept standing on my spot, for how long I don’t know. I could see light coming from the slit between the door and the floor and when it was turned off I moved my legs again and left.

I walked home in a blur, trying to understand what had happened.

===

The night started out like every other night. Sebastien and me had met in town. His mother had never been too keen on me which is why we opted to meet somewhere instead of me picking him up at home.

I had gotten the tickets for the movie already and we still had time to kill so Sebastien and me decided to go for a walk.

I had noticed that he was very distant. He barely spoke and when I said something he didn’t seem to listen.

“You alright?” I asked him, “You worry about your college-tests results?”
He shook his head. “I didn’t do the tests. I’m not going to college anyway.”
“So you wanna go through with your trip around the world?” I asked.

Like every kid Sebastien had dreams. One of them was to take a year off everything and travel around the world. He knew he could never do it since his mother simply didn’t have the money. But dreaming was allowed, wasn’t it?

“I’m sick.” Sebastien just said, like it would explain everything.
I stopped to look at him, now noticing that he was quite pale.

“Alright, let me take you home.” I offered, already moving to go.
“No Patrick, you don’t understand. I am sick.”

I just looked at him confused and that was when he told it to me.

“I’m going to die.”

===

I reached my own home. I stood outside our house and just looked at it. Then my eyes landed on the driveway where the cars of me and my mother were parked.

Without thinking I ran over to my car and started it before I drove off.

Half an hour later I was standing outside the door of a mansion in the suburbs. I rang the doorbell and banged on the door constantly but I got no answer.

Frustrated I turned and walked across the front lawn back towards my car.

Then I heard the door open before a tired voice asked “Patrick?”

I turned around and there was my father, standing just a few yards away from me on the lawn, dressed in his pyjama with a robe to keep him warm.

I rushed back to him. “Dad, you gotta help me. My boyfriend Sebastien, he’s sick. He’s got cancer. You gotta help me.” I rambled.

My father put his hands on my shoulders and looked at me firmly. “Patrick, calm down, alright? I can’t just go and help your boyfriend. I don’t know his story and I gotta talk to his doctor before I can do anything. Besides, I am a plastic surgeon. I don’t think I could …”

I shrugged his hands off. “Yea dad, whatever. Thanks for nothing.” I said before running back to my car, leaving my dad standing on the front lawn.

On the way back home it actually dawned on me. Sebastien was going to die and there was nothing anyone could do about it.

A CD that Sebastien had left in my car was playing and a picture of me and him was attached to my rearview with some beads that he had bought for me.

I pulled over to the side of the road and turned the engine off. As soon as that movement was made tears were pouring.

This was unfair. I had just embraced Sebastien into my life. I wanted a future with him. And now that future and Sebastien himself were going to be taken away from me?

===

Sebastien and I had a rough start. We always went to the same schools but we never spoke to each other.

We were entirely different. My mom was a lawyer, my dad a doctor. Our family had more money than we could spent. Sebastien’s mom worked as a secretary (in my mom’s company actually) and his dad left the family when Sebastien was barely able to walk. In comparison to us, the Lefebvre-family had to struggle to pay the bills.

My friends were different than his, simply because I had some and he didn’t. I was always seen with Chuck Comeau and Pierre Bouvier, two guys who had to face the same destiny as me. Born into a rich family with way too much freetime to do stupid, and most of the time illegal, stuff.

One Saturday evening me, Chuck and Pierre were again bored out of our minds. So what did we do? We broke into the school to go swimming in the pool from our school swim team. We had just started a contest to see who could stay under water the longest. No doubt I was winning that. But when I came back to the surface there was no sign of Pierre and Chuck. Instead I was blinded by the flashlight of a cop and looked in the angry faces of our janitor and principal.

Seeing we were close to our college-tests I didn’t get expelled. Instead our principal made me work on a project for the drama-club which was way worse for me. I had to participate in writing the play for the end of the year. I had to accept of course.

When I turned up for the first meeting of the drama-club I found out who I would be working with.

Sebastien Lefebvre.

Me and him had to write the play.

From then on we had to spend all our freetime with each other. I detested it. I barely turned up to any of our meetings and if I did I was late and showed obvious disinterest in our work.

One day Sebastien seemed to have enough. He came to my house after school because there I had no choice to avoid him like I did while we were in school. He told me plain and simple that I better co-operate and work with him because otherwise he would tell the principal about me ‘misbehaving’ which would get me expelled and not allowed to the college-tests that were of huge importance for my mother.

After that I had no other choice than to work with him. I always went to Sebastien’s place because god forbid one of my friends would catch me spending time with him. Plus, his mother hated me due to my reputation as ‘bad news’ and she wanted me somewhere where she could have an eye on me.

As time went by I got to know Sebastien bit by bit and I started to like hanging out with him, even after our work for the play was successfully done and the drama-club started to rehearse.

When we were in school I stopped avoiding him and I even sat with him in lunch when Chuck and Pierre were god knows where to do god knows was. Knowing them it was something that would get them into trouble once more.

Of course Pierre and Chuck weren’t too happy that I spent all my time with Sebastien. They kept telling me it was bad for my reputation if the news made the round that I was hanging out with one of the ‘under-privileged’ kids. I didn’t care and I began wondering why I was friends with Pierre and Chuck in the first place.

One day, I was just sitting with Sebastien and we were just going through a homework he had done for his arts-class, Pierre and Chuck stopped at our table.

“Aww, does the fairy-club hold a meeting?” Pierre asked mockingly while he took one of Sebastien’s sketches and waved it in the air out of Sebastien’s reach.
“We are working, guys.” Sebastien said. “Work … you know what that is, right?” he added while standing up and trying to get the sketch back, looking angrily at Pierre.
“When have you decided that you are a guy? I thought you prefer sucking cock?” Chuck threw in, loud enough for everyone to hear and turn around to us.

Sebastien paled immediately. Not many people knew he was gay and he never wanted many people to know about it.

“Chuck, Pierre it’s enough.” I said while standing up myself.

I positioned myself right in front of Pierre in a threatening manner as I was the only one who could compare to him in height and size.

“Hmmm … how about …” Pierre said, pretending to think. Then he brought the sketch down and ripped it slowly in two pieces. “No.”

Sebastien let out a frustrated groan which made Pierre turn to him for a moment. Just when he was about to open his mouth, most likely to throw another insult at him, my fist made contact with his jaw.

Pierre stumbled backwards but was caught by Chuck. He struggled to get free and I was more than willing to add a few punches to the one I had placed before but Sebastien held me back.

Pierre managed to get out of Chuck’s grasp and stood right in front of me. I also shook Sebastien’s hands off with ease.

“We are through, Patrick.” Pierre snarled, “We are so through!”
“Best news I ever had.” I replied before turning towards Sebastien. “Come on, let’s go.”

I grabbed Sebastien’s hand and pulled him out of the school with me. When we were outside and sure that neither Chuck nor Pierre had followed us I noticed that he was shaking while looking at the ripped pieces of his sketch.

“They’re jerks, Sebastien. That was nothing against you, that was all against me.”
“And when Chuck said that … you know.”
“He’s an ass, doesn’t know better. I’m sorry that he did it.”

I brought my hand to the back of his neck and looked down at him. “You want me to drive you home?” I asked.
Sebastien just nodded.
“Alright, let’s go then.” I said and we walked to my car.

We drove around for quite some time since it was too early for both him and me to return home. Sebastien relaxed more and more and when we got to his place he had calmed down completely.

“Thank you, Patrick.” he said when we were outside the apartment block he lived in.
“What for?”
“Everything. That you helped me with Pierre, defended me in front of Chuck. Everything. I mean, you punched your best friend.”
I shrugged. “I don’t think Pierre has ever been my friend. Same as Chuck. It’s no loss.”
“But still. Thank you.” Sebastien repeated.
“You’re welcome.”

Then we just sat there and looked at each other. The only sound came from the CD-player of my car, playing one of Sebastien’s CDs.

After a while Sebastien spoke up. “I better get inside. But I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He turned to get out of the car but I reached out and held his arm. When Sebastien turned back towards me I quickly leaned over and brushed my lips against his. At first I got no reaction but after he recovered from an initial shock Sebastien started to kiss back.

That was the start of Sebastien and me as a couple. Sure, we got strange stares and rude comments from people at school but we didn’t care.

We barely spend a minute apart. Sebastien’s mother was still on her guards when I was around. But when she realised how happy Sebastien was with me and vice versa she let us hang around alone more and more.

When Sebastien and me went out on dates I always took him to places where he had never been before. I spoilt him with little presents. He felt bad because he never could give anything to me in return but I told him I didn’t care, that his smile was the best present for me.

Everything between me and him was flawless. Pure. Perfect.

Until he told me he was going to die.

===

The buzzing noise coming from my nightstand didn’t even make me blink.

I was awake all night, just staring at the ceiling, thinking of Sebastien.

I reached my hand over and killed the noise but kept laying there, continuing my staring-match.

After a bit came a knock on my door.

“Yea?” I asked quietly, but still loud enough for the other person to hear.

The door opened and in came my mother. She sat down on the edge of the bed and ran her hand through my hair.

“Your father called last night. He said you came over to his in the middle of the night, asking him to help you because your boyfriend’s got cancer.”

Cancer. There it was again. The word that made me automatically wince.

“Yes.” I just said.
“You wanna go to school or shall I call you in sick?”
“I don’t wanna go. Never again.”
“We’ll talk about the ‘never again’ some other time. I’ll call you in sick for today. Are you going over to Sebastien’s later?”
“No.” I told her, “He doesn’t wanna see me.”
“Patrick Langlois, I haven’t raised you to be one to give up that soon, alright?” she said, “You are both in shock right now but the love between the two of you is too strong to be given up that easily.”

With that my mother got off my bed and left to go to work. I stayed at home the whole day, thinking of Sebastien and crying.

The next day my mother forced me back to school because she didn’t want me to miss out on anything. It was useless. I sat in class and I couldn’t focus on anything. My thoughts always wandered to Sebastien.

I saw him sitting at what used to be our table at lunch. He saw me enter but he looked away quickly and made an effort to not look at me for the rest of lunch and whenever he saw me in the hallways afterwards.

That whole thing went on for a week. That was when I had enough. I couldn’t and I wouldn’t give up on Sebastien. I was a mess without him and seeing the sadness in his eyes everytime he passed me I knew he felt the same.

I knew what I had to do.

Sebastien loved foreign countries and cultures. His bookshelves at home were stacked with travelling guides, maps of all different places filled his walls, postcards from all around the world were found everywhere.

I became a regular customer at a bookstore that only sold geographic stuff and souvenirs from all over the planet. Every day I bought something else. One day it was a postcard of the illuminated Eiffel Tower in Paris, the other it was a poster of an Asian temple.

I either stuck the pictures to his locker at school or I dropped them off in front of his doorstep, always adding a little note from me, saying that I love him and that he’s not gonna get rid off me.

One day I had bought a little snow globe with the Sydney Opera House and I left it on his doorstep, next to another note for him. When I turned to leave I looked in the face of his mother. Her eyes wandered back and forth between me and the little snow globe.

“I’m not gonna leave Sebastien. You can tell him that.” I said before I left.

The next day was a Sunday. I was woken up by a persistant knocking on the door of my bedroom. I groaned while getting out of my bed and trudged to the door.

I froze on the spot when I saw who had woken me up.

Sebastien.

“Morning.” he said shyly.
“Hey.” I greeted and stepped aside to let him enter my room.

We both sat down on the bed and said nothing for a few minutes.

“What’s up?” I asked, the silence between us almost killing me.

Sebastien opened his mouth only to close it again immediately. He tried to get words out but none of them made it past his lips.

“I’m sorry.” he said finally, “I’m sorry that I just left the other night. I’m sorry I haven’t told you earlier about my leukemia. I’m sorry for thinking that you wouldn’t want to be with me anymore.”

I put my arm around his shoulder, the first contact after our time apart almost overwhelming me.

“No Sebastien, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have reacted the way I have. I should have shown you that I would stick with you. I shouldn’t have let you leave in the first place.”
“You were in shock, Patrick. I don’t even know myself what I expected you to do. No matter what you would have done, nothing would have been right for me that night. And I was so stupid. I pushed you away when you were the only reason I was healthy for so long.”

A slight smile appeared on Sebastien’s face while I was close to tears. Why I was I didn’t know.

“Hey.” Sebastien said and wiped my fresh tears away. “Smile.”
I shook my head. “That whole thing is not funny, Sebastien.”
“Oh Patrick!” Sebastien just said before enveloping me in a tight embrace.

My tears flew freely while Sebastien hugged me. It felt so wrong. I was the one who was supposed to support him while he was fighting death. It wasn’t supposed to be the other way round.

I let go of Sebastien and took his hands into mine while looking deeply into his eyes. “I’m not gonna leave you, Sebastien. Never ever. I’m gonna be there 24/7, every day, every night. There won’t be a single second in the future when I won’t be around. And no matter how much time we have left, I’m gonna make it the best time of your life. I promise you this.”
“I know you will, Patrick.” he assured me.
“I love you, Sebastien.”
“I love you too.”

And then we kissed.

===

I kept my promise. I barely left Sebastien’s side. I refused to sleep at home when Sebastien couldn’t be with me. After a while I had more stuff in Sebastien’s closet than in my own.

I went with him to doctor’s appointments and to the hospital when he had check-ups.

Sebastien’s medication was expensive so I begged my mother to promote his mother. She did and Mrs Lefebvre became the head-secretary, meaning she had more money and people helping her with her work so she could be at home and with Sebastien more often.

And I worked on making Sebastien’s dream come true.

He had once told me that all he ever wanted was to have an own house with the one he loved. Just a little house with an own mailbox and a white picket-fence. He didn’t want to spend the rest of his live in a shitty apartment.

We had this little hut in our backyard where my mother kept the gardening tools. When Sebastien was with his mother I worked on making this hut our own little house.

I moved the gardening tools to the garage. Then I started painting the outside walls of the hut in a light blue. I used the monthly paycheck from my dad to buy a mattress, blankets and some pillows. I bought a little shelf that I attached on the wall above the mattress and put some travelling guides on it. I bought posters and maps from all around the world and stuck them on the walls until there was no room left. I took the little lamp from my desk and brought it into the hut and attached it to a long cable that led to a plug in our kitchen.

When I was done with the inside I started to work on the outside again. I had saved my money for a real mailbox. I had bought little black letters and stuck them onto the metal surface of the mailbox so it read ‘Sebastien & Patrick’.

The hardest piece of work was the picket fence. Even though I became accustomed to all the work that having a house brought with itself I couldn’t get that damn fence done. I nailed the pieces of wood together but they just wouldn’t stay straight.

One afternoon while Sebastien was out shopping with his mother I again cursed over the wood that just wouldn’t stay in place when I heard footsteps approaching me.

I looked up and saw Pierre and Chuck.

I cast a short glance at them before focussing back on my work on the fence. “You need any help?” I mumbled.
“No. But it looks like you do.” came Chuck’s response.

I brought the hammer down and stood to face them. “Listen guys, as you can see I am busy and if you just came here to insult my boyfriend or me you can leave straight away, alright?”
“We came to apologise.” said Pierre.

My eyebrows shot up to my hairline.

“We didn’t realise that Sebastien means so much to you. We thought he was just a short thing like all the other guys and we couldn’t get our heads around the fact that you left us just for a quick fuck.” Pierre started.
“We didn’t want to accept the fact that Sebastien changed you and we didn’t want to see the new Patrick. But then your mother called and said you could use some friends to stand by your side right now. And you know … that’s what friends are there for, right? They’re there when things are good but they’re even more there when shit gets tough. So …”

Chuck held his hand out to me, Pierre doing the same.

“Friends again?” they both asked.

I looked at both their hands and then to their faces. They might be assholes sometimes but I knew them long enough to know when they were serious about something.

That day they were serious.

I ignored their hands and spread my arms out to them and we had a group hug.

After that they helped me with the fence and I was surprised that they actually could do it better than I did.

I was grateful for their help because now I again could spend more time with Sebastien.

The school-year came to an end. The work on the hut was done earlier than expected. I had planned on showing Sebastien ‘our’ house on the day we graduated and it was done a week prior.

As a present to my graduation my dad said he would pay for home-care for Sebastien so he didn’t have to go to the hospital constantly. He was a man with influences so it was easy for him to find a trained nurse that was pretty much on hold every day and night for Sebastien and his mother.

Over the past weeks Sebastien’s strengh had left him more and more. He was tired constantly and lost weight. It killed me to see him like that and not being able to help him get better.

Then it was our graduation day. Even though Sebastien could barely stand up straight he had intended to go. And he was so proud sitting there in the robe of the school-colors among all the other students.

My mother held a little party for me in our house so after the ceremony at school was over we all left for our house. Sebastien, his mother and nurse and Pierre and Chuck with their parents. Even my dad and my stepmother were there.

“Hey, I gotta show you something.” I told Sebastien after we had a delicious lunch, “It’s in the backyard.”

I took Sebastien’s hand and led him to the backdoor of our house. “Close your eyes.” I said when we reached it. He did as he was told.

Carefully I led him out into the backyard, all the others following us. They all knew about the house, the only one who didn’t know was Sebastien himself.

I stopped him right in front of the mailbox and got behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist. “Open your eyes.” I whispered into his ear.

Sebastien’s eyes fluttered open and when he saw our little house he let out a gasped “Wow!”

I let go of him and stepped between him and the house. “That’s our house. I know it’s a lot smaller than you would’ve liked but even I have my limits when it comes to money. It’s actually just a tiny bedroom kind of place. But here, it has a mailbox and the picket-fence though all credit for that belongs to Pierre and Chuck. I couldn’t fit a heater in there so we’re probably gonna freeze to death when it gets colder but maybe I can …”

I didn’t get to finish my speech. Sebastien had stepped towards me and cupped my face in his hands before he kissed me deeply. “I love it. Thank you Patrick.” he whispered when he pulled away.

“Hey, check the mailbox.” Pierre piped up.

Sebastien turned around and opened the mailbox, pulling out a card. A congratulations-card to his graduation coming from Pierre and Chuck. “Thank you guys.” he smiled.

“I believe there is something else in there.” my mother then said.

Sebastien again turned to the mailbox and fished out an envelope that just read my name. He handed it to me and I opened it.

I scanned the words and sentences in front of me and then my eyes widened.

“What’s that?” Sebastien asked, getting on this toes to read the letter.

“Dear Mr Langlois.” I read out aloud, “We are glad to inform you that you’ve been accepted to the medical faculty of Montreal University.”
“The letter arrived two weeks ago. I thought it would be a nice surprise for you. The rest of the stuff is inside.” my mother explained.
I just nodded dumbly, still staring at the letter in my hand.
“I’m so proud of you, honey.” my mother said.
“So am I.” Sebastien agreed.

Our group stood outside for a bit, Sebastien still taking everything of our house in before he said “Hey, I wanna go check it out inside.”
“Sure, after you.” I said opening the door for him.
“Just hold on one second.”

He then went over to his mother who handed him a wrapped present that she got out of her purse. With it Sebastien came back to me. “Now I’m ready.”

I nodded and Sebastien stepped into the house.

“If you need anything … We’ll be inside.” my mother said.
I nodded again and followed Sebastien inside and closed the door.

Sebastien was already sitting on the mattress and looked at all the posters on the wall, his fingers lightly brushing over them.

“This is beautiful.” he whispered, “Thank you so much, Patrick. It’s like … that’s what I always wanted to have. It must have been a hell lot of work.”
“Don’t mention it. I’m glad you like it.”
“I love it.” He then patted on the spot on the mattress next to him.

I sat down and he handed me the present that he had gotten from his mother. “That’s for you. As a present for graduation. Though … in comparison to this” he gestured around the house, “this thing is nothing.”
“Don’t be stupid.” I said while taking the present into my hands, “It’s coming from you. It’s everything.”

Sebastien blushed while I opened the present. It was a book. I turned it around in my hands but I couldn’t find a title.

“It’s been in my family for three generations now. My grandmother started it. It’s just quotes, stuff out of movies, books, songs or poems. Whenever there was something that she wanted my mother to know about life she wrote it in there. She gave it to my mother before she died and my mother gave it to me when I was diagnosed with the leukemia. And … well, I’m never gonna have kids so I figured you should get it.” Sebastien explained.

I swallowed and looked back at the book again which seemed to have gained in weight just with its meaning.

“I’m gonna cherish it all my life.” I promised to him.
He smiled. “I know.”

I flicked through the book and stopped on a page that Sebastien had bookmarked for me. It showed the last thing written in the book, but only a bit more than halfway through it with many empty pages following.

“Chasing shadows through the years … I whisper softly to my dear … Be sure to know that I am here … Forever.” I read out aloud.
“It’s from a song. I can’t even remember its name or who it is from but it just stuck to me.”

I flick some pages back and I stop on a rather long entry, written in a child’s handwriting. Sebastien must have written it shortly after he got the book because the entries before that have a different handwriting, his mother’s I suppose.

“I’m waiting for a person who will always stand by my side. Who will cry over me when I die and who will walk with me for as long as I live. Who understands who I am, how I feel, what I think. My exchange will be my heart that I’ll give to that person alone. But do not guide my heart since I don’t guide my luck. It comes and goes but when it goes it comes back. Piece by piece. I let it come and go without fearing to never see that luck again.” I read.
“I remember reading that in some magazine at my doctor’s. I thought it was beautiful so I ripped it out and wrote it in there.”

For the rest of the day and night Sebastien and I stayed in our house, reading out quotes to each other. The book was filled with words about love, pain, hate, sadness and every other emotion known. With every page and every quote I felt more proud that Sebastien chose me to have that book. Never in my life have I owned something such powerful.

===

Sebastien and I spend every day in our house. There wasn’t much we could do in that tiny space but even if we just sat or laid with each other in silence we enjoyed it.

Sometimes Pierre and Chuck came over, bringing their laptops or portable DVD-players with them so we could play games or watch movies.

Every day me and Sebastien told each other that we loved each other. And not just once, several times. We both wanted to be sure that the other one knew about it in case it was the last day that we got to spent with each other.

===

On July, 28th Sebastien died. I had woken up next to him in our house, him wrapped up in his sleeping bag and a blanket. I looked at his figure and noticed he wasn’t breathing anymore. He had died peacefully in his sleep.

His funeral was the hardest day of my life. Thank god I didn’t have to face it alone. My mother had helped Sebastien’s mother with the organisation and Pierre and Chuck had stayed with me for days before and after the funeral, supporting me more than I thought it was humanly possible.

The grave was filled with sunflowers, Sebastien’s favorites. The gravestone was white with black writing. It reads the last quote Sebastien had added into his book.

Chasing shadows through the years … I whisper softly to my dear … Be sure to know that I am here … Forever

===

I still visit Sebastien’s grave every day when I get back from work.

I work as a doctor, specialised on children and teenagers with cancer. I donate money to research and do as much as I can to make life easier for those who suffer from the disease. I hold therapy-sessions for friends, partners and families of people with cancer.

I have a frame on the wall of my office. It shows the certificate I received when I left the university and under it there is a picture of Sebastien and me next to a picture of just him in the middle and a picture of his grave on the other side.

I am still in close contact with his mother. Together we have a foundation. We collect money that we give to children with cancer so they can spend it on their dreams, whether it is a visit to Disneyland or a camping-trip. Mrs Lefebvre also helps me with the therapy-sessions.

I also am still friends with Pierre and Chuck. Chuck became a lawyer and he helps me with all the paper-work of the foundation. Pierre works for a music magazine and every year he helps organising a concert for charity.

I dedicated my whole life to Sebastien even though it’s 10 years ago that he died. I haven’t fallen in love after he left me and I don’t think I ever will.

I still have Sebastien’s book. I carry it with me every day and every night I have it laying on the nightstand. I added a few quotes into it and when I die I want it to go to the cancer-department of the hospital I work at, helping other people on their way.

My mother moved into an apartment in the centre of the city and I took over our house, intending to keep it until I die. In the backyard there still is Sebastien’s and my house. Every summer I refresh the color of the wall and on the picket fence.

When I sit by Sebastien’s grave and tell him about the stuff I did throughout the day I can still hear his voice, telling me that he loves me and that he’s proud of everything I did for him and that I’m doing now for other people.

I am thankful for every day that I got to spend with Sebastien. It might not have been for long but the main thing was that he was there at all.


The End


A/N 2: Would you believe that I brought myself to tears with my own story? Really, I did. While I sat there writing I had to take several breakes because I was welling up and couldn't see the computer screen anymore.

A/N 3: I hope you people out there like it as much as I do. And *ahem* please do watch "A walk to remember", even if it's just for Shane West and Mandy Moore. It's a beautiful movie.

Comments are appreciated.